One thing I really had to get used to when we first got here to Jakarta was the '1 child 1 nanny' policy many of the families here subscribe to. I personally have nothing against nannies, in fact The Man and I do use a part time nanny on occasion when we feel like an evening out. The problem arises, though when families stop being able to function without their 'pengasuh', or when the kids actually prefer their nanny to their parents. Walking around the malls you will see dozens of uniform clad ladies. From what I can tell, their job is to feed, entertain, carry and supervise their charges. You will frequently see a poor beleaguered nanny chasing a kid around who has never been taught that meal times mean sitting in your chair till you're done! I have shivers every time we eat out, just anticipating a disaster where some waiter dumps hot food onto a kid. Whose fault will it be then? The waiter? The nanny? The kid? Surely not the parents...!?
A local friend of mine (an aberration who only uses her nanny to do the school run and when she's working) once said to me that nannies here try and foster the child's dependence on them. Their version of job security. If neither you nor your child can function without them, then you're never going to get rid of them are you. And it gets worse as the kid gets older. Witness the number of kids in restaurants still being spoon fed by their nannies. Yeesh. The way I see it, if a kid is old enough to use a PSP, he/ she is old enough to feed themself. According to another friend, she caught her nanny feeding the kid when she specifically asked her to let the kid do it himself. When confronted, the reply was, 'Dia tidak mau...' (He didn't want to). Ookaaayyy... who's the boss here? The other thing that really gets to me is the constant shoving of food down the gaping maws of chubby kids. Chicken or egg scenario... Are they chubby because food has been used as a pacifier, or do they eat like walking garbage disposals because they're already chubby and need more fuel? It really gets to me. PEOPLE!! No need to feed your kid out of meal times!! A snack occasionally is fine if you anticipate a late meal or if the kid has been very active, but there is no need to offer food every time the kid stops talking, or gets whiney, or gets tired, or gets bored, or simple behaves like kids do... Especially not with sweeties and chocolates anyway. All you end up doing is conditioning your kid to need and crave the sugar high. Not to mention the bad teeth. And the childhood obesity... If necessary, use fruit. I hesitate to even say kiddy biscuits because considering the volume I see consumed, just give them spoonfuls of sugar, why don't you...
When I dropped the kiddo off today, I saw some bigger (at least my height, so they would have had to be at least 10) kids who were accompanied by a companion. 2 kids in the back, 'companion' and driver in the front, who then rushed out of the car when it stopped to help unload the bags and stuff. OY! Do it yourselves!! The staff are NOT your slaves no matter how much money your parents have!! I overheard one parent agitatedly insisting that her nanny be allowed into the boys changing room during school hours to help her 7 yr old change into his swim trunks. Please spare me... That's just too much. Swim trunks!!! Not even the full body suits some of the other kids use. You mean to tell me he can't even put his briefs on himself?!? 7 and the nanny is still dressing him from the skin up?? School policy is NO ONE is allowed on the premises during school hours without a very good reason. That, is NOT one... I mean, bad enough that all the schools I've seen have special staff areas for nannies AND drivers to wait. Yes... Some families do the '1 nanny, 1 driver, 1 kid' thing too.
Ok. Enough ranting. Hubs and I just get really annoyed when we see kids running roughshod over their nannies while their parents just ignore everything going on. Nannies are well and good, there is definitely a place for them. But parents still need to be involved, right?! We did consider getting a nanny to do the school run (which takes me 3-4hrs everyday), but in the end, forget it. Sink or swim kiddo.. sink or swim...
PS I've found that for now, I actually quite enjoy the school run. If and when I get fed up of it, I think the marvelous Mr.D will be able to cope admirably on his own. Good man...
PPS Just to end with a little anecdote... A friend of a friend once took his 3 kids out together with the nanny to give his ill wife a little break. This chap was totally against the use of nanny uniforms, especially since they had little labels on the arm saying 'nanny' or 'governess' (not kidding! Not much governing goes on though...). He felt they were demeaning. Well, nanny dearest tried to pass the kids off as her own and daddy as her Bule (white) husband. Not realizing that 'mister' understood Bahasa quite well though never spoke it. You can guess what happened next... Poor recovering mummy was instructed to go out immediately to get a uniform (you can buy these in any store) for the upstart. On top of that, he wanted 'nanny' embroided onto the back too!
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A relative's kid in Singapore with an Indon maid fits your description exactly. She is same age as our kiddos, but her food is still mashed up like baby food and fed to her while she plays PSP. When XY says to her that she eats on her own, her response is she doesn't, and does not want to..
A friend likes to feed her boy either herself or her maid by chasing him around. He is either full or not interested but is used to having food remain in the mouth, for what it's worth. The mummy worries he is not eating enough. What can I say? Poor boy eats non-stop whole day and she is quite shocked when she sees the amount XY eats vis a vis her size.
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